So, I guess if you’re going to be listening to my horribly nasal voice you should know a little about me.
Mainly I wanted to address my feelings on the Wii, I feel I said some pretty harsh things about it in episode one. Recently I’ve found myself spouting insulting demeaning comments in the direction of Nintendo’s idiocy inducing family plaything. I do this, because as anyone who knows me knows, I love Nintendo.
Yes I love Nintendo, I adore them. My behaviour towards them recently has been irrational, cruel and generally very nasty. In many ways my behaviour is similar to that of a scorned boyfriend.
It sounds disturbing and a little bit creepy, but it makes a lot of sense. Nearly 20 years of good times, those long summer afternoons, where I really should have been doing something else, instead I was playing mega man. Staying up all night completely engrossed in Super Metroid.
After the gamecube didn’t perform so well, it seemed like good times were ahead and Nintendo were back on top. We had Twilight Princess, Paper Mario, Metroid Prime 3 and Mario Galaxy, it felt like the beginning of some pretty good times. Okay yeah, there seemed to be the odd title to suggest that Nintendo were checking out other demographics other than myself, but hey! Who wouldn’t? Seems natural right? Little did I know that it was foreshadowing the downfall between the relationship between Nintendo and it’s fanbase of gamers.
By the time Smash Bros Brawl came out, my friends had already noticed something was wrong, they knew that Nintendo had forgotten me and were trying to phase me out, they tried to warn me to save me. But like an overly faithful dog, I followed my owner out into the middle of the woods before he got in his car and drove off abandoning me.
It happened on that fateful day in July. E3 2008. I had seen Reggie talking about some pretty exciting E3 announcements, it was too exciting. The forums were buzzing with speculation, what would they announce? A new Zelda? Star Fox Wii? Kid Icarus? So many possibilities.
Then the conference came and as I am sure you remember as the gaming community looked around at each other and went “Huh?”. It was a joke! A snowboarding game? A Palin clone talking about how much money Nintendo were making? An asian man with a gay haircut flailing around on stage like a fucking idiot?
Basically they could have saved everyone’s time by having Reggie come out on stage, light a cigar with a $100 dollar note, before bending over and presenting his arse to the audience.
…the gesture would have been pretty much the same.
It made me realise that Nintendo didn’t care about me. They just wanted my money all along. After all, they are a business after all. Idiotic party gamers across the world were ploughing millions into the Wii and they opened themselves up as a new market; Casual gaming.
Okay, so Reggie announced that work was underway on a new Zelda and Mario. But to me that just translated as “Maybe we can still be friends”.
Me, I moved on, got an xbox live account, I even had a shot of Halo. I’m happy! I really am! But every time someone mentions the Wii, I think about Nintendo and how well they’re doing with their new favourite demographic and it makes me feel bitter and I spout horrible insults, much in the same way a man might refer to an ex girlfriend as a bitch or a whore, while deep inside feeling a sense of melancholy about the good times, and while the xbox gives me everything I need now, I still carry a flame for my wii, secretly waiting for that call one day “quick, come back to me! I’ve changed really! I have a new Zelda game”.
On that day, as little as I want to admit it, I’ll go running back, like a little bitch.
So next time I get angry and start spouting about the Wii, it’s not out of hate, it’s out of love…shameful, angry love.
- Richie
Man, you’re such a big girl.